Welcome to Reema Ayub's Writings

Friendship is one of the most profound human experiences, shaping our emotional and social well-being. As a clinical psychologist, I have observed how friendships extend beyond companionship—they influence our mental health, self-identity, and even our ability to navigate life’s challenges. Sociologically, friendships are the glue that binds communities, setting the foundation for trust, support, and social cohesion. But true friendship is not merely about presence; it is about protection—both emotional and psychological. The Essence of Friendship: When defining friendship, many rely on the well-known phrase: "A friend in need is a friend indeed." While this holds truth, I believe it extends further. A true friend is not just present during hardships; they safeguard us from potential harm. This isn’t just about physical security—it’s about emotional and psychological protection. If you cannot secure me from potential harm, you are not my friend. This is a crucial yet often ov...

As social beings, we thrive on trust and mutual respect in our relationships. However, when we encounter individuals who engage in backbiting—speaking negatively about others behind their backs—it signals a deeper issue: a lack of integrity and trustworthiness. The Psychological Nature of Backbiters: Backbiting often stems from insecurity, jealousy, or a need for social validation. Individuals who engage in this behavior may seek to elevate themselves by diminishing others. However, this pattern of behavior is not confined to just one target; those who habitually gossip or criticize in your presence are likely to do the same when you are absent. This signals an inability to maintain confidentiality and respect, fundamental pillars of trustworthy relationships. The Psychological Consequences of Backbiting: Being in the company of backbiters can have profound emotional and psychological consequences, including: Erosion of Trust: Consistently hearing negative talk about others fosters an...

Silence is often mistaken for simplicity, yet its depths reveal intricate layers of meaning. As a psychologist, I have observed how silence is not just an absence of words but a complex form of communication that influences our mental well-being and relationships. From childhood to adulthood, our perception of silence evolves, shaped by experience, culture, and cognitive maturity. Silence as the First "No" As a child, I learned that silence often meant refusal. I noticed that when elders denied a request, they did not always use words—they simply remained silent. This early association between silence and rejection shaped my understanding, but as I grew older, I realized that silence is far more nuanced than a simple "no." The Different Shades of Silence: Silence does not always signal rejection. Its meaning shifts depending on context, intent, and the listener’s interpretation. Consider a moment when you needed an urgent response, but the other person remained sile...

As I sit here in Lahore, surrounded by the hustle and bustle of city life, I am reminded of the importance of prioritizing one's health. The air we breathe is far from fresh, and the constant pollution takes a toll on our well-being. The rapid construction of housing societies in Punjab, without consideration for the ecosystem, has only exacerbated the problem. As a result, respiratory diseases are on the rise, causing prolonged illnesses that can severely impact our daily lives. It's essential to take control of our health, and it starts with making conscious choices. The Power of Saying No: One of the most significant steps we can take is to learn to say no. Be it declining food prepared by a smoker or refusing to accept fruits from a hawker who smokes, we must prioritize our health. This means being brave enough to say no, even to friends, family, and colleagues. Setting Boundaries: It's crucial to set boundaries, especially when it comes to our health. If someone is smo...

Human emotions are complex and deeply rooted in the way our brain processes relationships and experiences. Love and hate, though polar opposites in definition, share striking similarities in how they engage our cognitive and emotional systems. Interestingly, both emotions demand a deep focus on the object of our affection or disdain. Love and Hate: Two Sides of the Same Coin: When someone is in love, their attention becomes hyper-focused on the person they adore. Every detail, no matter how small, becomes significant—whether it’s the way their partner smiles, their habits, or even the strand of hair left on a comb. This intensity stems from how love activates areas of the brain responsible for reward and memory, such as the ventral tegmental area and the amygdala. The brain, flooded with dopamine, prioritizes details of the loved one to create a sense of connection and attachment. Surprisingly, hate operates in a similar way. The neural circuits that are activated during hate also dema...

The journey of self-awareness is often shaped by a combination of personal experiences, societal influences, and psychological growth. For some individuals, this process begins early in life, fueled by challenges that force them to confront questions about identity, belief systems, and their place in the world. As a clinical psychologist, I have come to understand how these experiences create a foundation for self-discovery and the pursuit of understanding others. Early Experiences: The Formation of Resilience: During childhood, our beliefs and values are often challenged, sometimes in ways that isolate us. In my case, a schoolyard debate about religious practices brought an entire school’s attention to me. Despite being alone in my stance, I was able to respond confidently and calmly, pushing my peers back to their classrooms without any external intervention. Looking back, this event was an early marker of resilience—a trait often formed in challenging environments. Such experiences ...

As a clinical psychologist deeply invested in understanding human behavior, I have observed a fascinating dynamic: the profound influence of self-affirmations on self-perception and subsequent actions. My clinical observations, grounded in scientific research, reveal that individuals who affirm negative self-perceptions—whether consciously or unconsciously—often exhibit behaviors aligned with these declarations. Conversely, those who affirm positive self-perceptions tend to embody more desirable traits. This phenomenon is particularly intriguing within the cultural framework of the subcontinent, where certain societal norms and paradoxes shape how self-perception is expressed and understood. The Science of Self-Affirmations: The concept of self-affirmations is well-supported in psychological and neuroscientific literature. Bandura's (1997) work on self-efficacy demonstrates that our beliefs about ourselves significantly influence our behaviors. Similarly, Steele (1988) highlighted ...

The subcontinent, comprising Pakistan, India, and Bangladesh, is a region rich in cultural diversity and historical complexity. Yet, alongside its vibrant traditions and shared heritage, a pervasive culture of hate, jealousy, and grudges has taken root across societal, religious, and cultural divides. As a clinical psychologist living and practicing in this region, I have observed how deeply entrenched these negative emotions are in the fabric of daily life, influencing interpersonal relationships and social dynamics in profound ways. This blog seeks to explore the psychological underpinnings of these emotions and the cultural factors that perpetuate them while advocating for a collective shift towards a more empathetic and emotionally healthy society. The Role of Media in Reinforcing Negative Stereotypes: One of the most visible contributors to the perpetuation of negative emotions is the portrayal of interpersonal relationships in popular media. For instance, Indian television dramas...

In the realm of human psychology, identity and self-perception are deeply intertwined with cultural, social, and personal values. One striking paradox that emerges is this: true love for one's own race, ethnicity, religion, or culture becomes authentic only when it is accompanied by an equal acceptance and appreciation for others. Without this, self-description—how we define ourselves—becomes hollow and superficial. Consider this scenario: someone says, "I am Punjabi, Pakistani," and another person counters, "You are dividing yourself." This raises an important psychological question—how can one truly divide themselves by embracing their identity? Psychologically, the attachment to one’s identity, when balanced, fosters self-esteem and security. However, the expression of this identity only holds meaning when it doesn’t come at the cost of devaluing others. For example, when others criticize Pakistan or the Pakistani military, emotional discomfort can arise. Suc...

The year is 2025, but looking back to the early 2000s, I often wonder—has anything really changed? Back then, I wore a burka, watched Shaktiman, and used Facebook to make new friends. Now, while technological advancements have reshaped the world, the underlying cultural and societal patterns seem frozen in time, particularly in the subcontinent. Women are still judged by the standards of religion and morality, but the focus has slightly shifted. Let me take you on a journey through this perspective, strictly tied to the cultural context of the subcontinent, while living in Pakistan. 1. Middle-Class Women and the Judgment of Morality: In Pakistan’s middle class, wearing an abaya (burka) earns women immense respect. However, the same is not true for lower-class or upper-class women, who seem to have outgrown or ignored this pressure. Lower-class women are too occupied with survival, while upper-class women focus on ambition and influence. Middle-class women, on the other hand, juggle soc...

As a clinical and health psychologist, I have always believed in the profound connection between the body and mind. The body's ability to guide us through its cravings, aversions, and subtle signals is a fascinating subject that intertwines psychology, physiology, and even physics. This blog explores how our body's intuitive needs, shaped by our environment and experiences, can serve as a foundation for better health practices. Cravings and aversions are more than mere whims; they are deeply rooted in the body’s biological and psychological processes. Cravings can often signal nutrient deficiencies or the body’s need for energy and repair. For example, a strong craving for citrus fruits, like kino (oranges), might indicate a heightened need for vitamin C or antioxidants, which are critical for immune function and tissue repair. Similarly, the desire for carbohydrates, such as rice, could reflect the body's demand for quick energy during growth or recovery. Conversely, avers...

Health is undeniably the cornerstone of human existence. Without it, even the wealthiest individual can feel impoverished. Ironically, poor health not only affects the body but can also lead to financial ruin. Consider this: neglecting a seemingly small health habit, such as brushing your teeth due to a lack of resources, can lead to far greater costs, such as dental crowns or even losing teeth altogether. This cycle of neglect, caused by poverty, perpetuates deeper poverty—a phenomenon often observed in public health studies. Health, therefore, is not just an individual concern but a societal one. As a psychologist, I delve beyond physical health into the realm of relationships and self-awareness, exploring dynamics that challenge conventional beliefs. One such idea is the myth of "pure" friendships, especially between individuals of opposite genders or orientations. Human behavior is driven by complex desires, and attraction often plays a subconscious role. While we may lab...