“No Pork, No Sex Education” — But No Protection Either

“No Pork, No Sex Education” — But No Protection Either

By Reema Ayub


I’ve seen it too many times. I’ve heard the silent cries behind proud fathers’ lectures. I’ve felt the tension in homes where daughters are raised with nothing but fear, shame, and warnings — but not knowledge. Especially in Pakistan, India, and Bangladesh, whether families live here or abroad, most parents seem to follow one strict formula: “No pork, and no sex education.”

Yes, no pork is part of Islam. But I have a question — if I missed a Hadith, please show me — where does Islam say sex education is haram?

Because here’s what I see in our society: girls growing up with no idea what virginity even means, no understanding of how manipulation works, and no tools to protect themselves from the wolves who walk around wearing the skin of temporary lovers.

And when those girls lose their so-called “honor” in silence, in confusion, or in love — they’re not offered compassion, they’re not asked what happened, they’re simply condemned.


> “You should’ve saved that for the one you wanted to marry.”


Saved what?

She didn’t even know what she had to “save.” Because no one told her. Parents kept quiet. Teachers skipped chapters. Elders giggled or got angry when she asked questions. And now? Now she’s the shame of the house.

-----------------

Used, Abandoned, and Blamed:

Let’s talk about the pattern. A girl starts talking to a guy. He calls her “beautiful,” “different,” “mine.” She thinks it’s love. But what he really wants is her body — just for a while. When she trusts him, when she gives in, he disappears.

And when he leaves, society doesn’t ask him anything.

It destroys her.


If she’s lucky, she survives.

If she’s not, she’s poisoned. Or shot.


But there’s another kind of death that doesn’t make it to headlines. When a girl is kept alive — only to be reminded every single day that she is “filthy,” “na-paak,” “unworthy.” Her own parents — especially her mother — turn into daily prosecutors. Her father and brothers look at her like she’s something to be ashamed of.


And the saddest part?

She needed their shoulders most at that time.

She needed a hug, a little mercy, some silence that wasn't suffocating.


Instead, she ends up in:


Depression


Trauma that never heals


Diseases with no medical name


Isolation, hatred, suicidal thoughts


She loses hope in love. She builds walls around herself. And then they say, “Why can’t you find a good husband?”

Because she no longer believes a good man exists.

-----------------

What Religion Actually Teaches vs. 

What We Practice:

I say this with full respect to my deen: Islam never told us to stay ignorant. Prophet Muhammad (SAWW) never silenced women when they asked about intimacy, periods, or sexual rights. His wives taught us so much about these topics — openly and confidently.

Our religion is complete. It's our culture that is incomplete. It's our people who hide behind religion to avoid uncomfortable conversations.

Sex education isn’t dirty. It’s not about teaching girls to sin.

It’s about teaching them to recognize danger, to set boundaries, to protect their dignity with knowledge.

Wouldn’t you rather your daughter know how to say "no" to a predator, than “yes” in confused silence to someone who will abandon her?

Wouldn’t you rather your son grow up understanding respect, not entitlement?

--------------------------

So What Needs to Change:

We need to stop raising girls with fear and guilt. We need to stop raising boys with freedom and ego.

We need to teach our children:


What real love feels like


What abuse and manipulation look like


That sex isn’t dirty — forcing it is


That virginity isn’t a certificate — it’s a personal, private matter, not a punishment.


Because if we don’t break this cycle, we will keep raising wounded girls and unaware boys — and then blame the girls when things go wrong.

---------------------------------

To Every Parent Reading This:

Sex education won’t destroy your child’s innocence. Ignorance will.

Talk to your daughters. Educate your sons. Tell them what Islam actually says — not what shame says.

Because every time a girl cries alone in her room, wishing she had someone to guide her...

Every time a father looks at his daughter with disgust instead of grace...

Another piece of her soul dies.

And trust me, no girl deserves to be hunted by a lustful man, abandoned by society, and then buried alive in guilt.

Not when this could’ve been prevented with just one honest conversation.


--------------------------

Written from the ache of witnessing too many silent sufferings.

Reema Ayub.


Popular posts from this blog

Understanding Social Constraints: A Psychological Perspective on Conformity and Individuality

Human beings are inherently social creatures, driven by an innate desire for connection, validation, and belonging. However, the complexity of societal norms and cultural expectations often creates a clash between individuality and conformity. This conflict is particularly pronounced when an individual's thoughts, feelings, or behaviors deviate from societal expectations. Such experiences can lead to emotional distress, social ostracism, or even trauma, revealing the intricate interplay between psychology and cultural dynamics. The Burden of Societal Norms Psychologists often refer to the phenomenon of adapting to societal expectations as normative social influence. This refers to the pressure to conform to the beliefs, values, and behaviors that are widely accepted within a specific cultural or social group. While conformity can foster cohesion, it often stifles individuality, particularly in societies with rigid patriarchal structures or deeply ingrained traditions. For example, ...
Read more

Grudges: The Silent Thief of Emotional Resilience

In the intricate labyrinth of human relationships, grudges are often the silent culprits that erode our emotional resilience and peace. Holding onto resentment not only strains our relationships but also burdens our psychological well-being. While some grudges are a response to genuine grievances, others stem from misunderstandings or a clash of perspectives. Regardless of their origin, their impact on mental health and personal growth is profound. Understanding Grudges Through a Psychological Lens From a clinical psychology perspective, grudges can be linked to cognitive distortions—patterns of thinking that skew our perception of reality. When we hold a grudge, we may unknowingly engage in "black-and-white thinking" or "mind-reading," assuming the worst about the other person’s intentions or actions. This creates a cycle of negative emotions, including anger, bitterness, and even anxiety. Over time, these feelings can manifest as chronic stress, impacting both men...
Read more

The Culture of Hate in the Subcontinent: A Psychological Perspective

The subcontinent, comprising Pakistan, India, and Bangladesh, is a region rich in cultural diversity and historical complexity. Yet, alongside its vibrant traditions and shared heritage, a pervasive culture of hate, jealousy, and grudges has taken root across societal, religious, and cultural divides. As a clinical psychologist living and practicing in this region, I have observed how deeply entrenched these negative emotions are in the fabric of daily life, influencing interpersonal relationships and social dynamics in profound ways. This blog seeks to explore the psychological underpinnings of these emotions and the cultural factors that perpetuate them while advocating for a collective shift towards a more empathetic and emotionally healthy society. The Role of Media in Reinforcing Negative Stereotypes: One of the most visible contributors to the perpetuation of negative emotions is the portrayal of interpersonal relationships in popular media. For instance, Indian television dramas...
Read more